Farming No Longer Makes Me Happy
It’s the last week of 2023 and I’ve decided to get back into blogging. I find it highly ironic that my last blogpost was entitled “How I Keep My Life From Going Up In Flames”. This one could be titled “I Crashed and Burned”. I have hit the point that I’m not loving farming like I used to and so I’ve had to do some major soul searching to decide what to do about it.
I used to be so sure of everything. I knew my purpose in life was to help other people. 100%, no questions asked, I knew that’s what I was put on this earth for. And I still know that. However, I think I was wrong on the how. I thought I was supposed to help people learn to grow food and show them how to make a profit while doing it. We always hear farming is a labor of love that doesn’t make any money. I wanted to prove that it could be a labor of love AND it could make money.
So for 10 years now I’ve hustled. I’ve gotten up every day and done the work. I’ve raised so many different crops and critters. I’ve tried doing things outside the box. I’ve pushed myself to exhaustion trying to just make any profit at all. Year after year though I’ve lost money. Instead of teaching people they can make money farming, I’ve literally been proving the naysayers correct. This all came to a head when I hit the 10 year mark in November and wasn’t even close to where I had intended to be. Farming was no longer fun, and I was losing a fortune to do it.
I started asking the universe why I was failing when all I was trying to do was help. I just wanted to show other people it could be done and inspire them to do similar things. The harder I tried, the more I seemed to fall behind and the less I liked farming. I found myself smiling less and less while working more and more. I was no longer feeling grateful for the life I live and couldn’t figure out why my purpose had gone so far off course. I wanted to give it up, but felt like that would just prove that farming isn’t worth doing.
Out of the blue one night while feeding the pig and asking the stars why I was failing so badly at my purpose, it hit me…failing actually WAS my purpose. My purpose was to crash and burn, hit bottom, lose my love for farming, get buried in all the negative feelings, and then dig my way back out. And then I was supposed to be an example for other farmers going through the same thing.
According to a CDC study, farmers commit suicide at a rate 3.5 times that of the general population. Another study showed that farmers have a higher suicide rate than even soldiers. That’s just crazy to me! I hadn’t hit that point yet, but I can see how it can easily happen. You’re pouring every part of yourself into something you love so much, but still not getting ahead. Your way of life is constantly being attacked by eco-warriors and militant vegans, even though you love the land and animals you’re working. The government holds you back every step of the way, but certainly demands a portion of any money you might possibly make. Honestly, why wouldn’t you start to get worn down?
So here we are. This would be the point most people would tell you what they did to turn their lives around and how they also became a millionaire while doing it. But, unfortunately I can’t do that. Not yet. Cuz I’m still down there in the muck. I haven’t dug myself out yet and I certainly haven’t miraculously made a bunch of money. But I’m going to. And I’m going to post the whole messy process for anyone interested in reading this blog to follow along.
I’m not going to wait until I’ve fixed things to share my story. I’m going to share it in real time. I’m transitioning the blog from a farm blog to a farmer blog. Too many blogs focus on information about how to farm. I want to focus on farmers and what we need to be happy and successful at our job. I want to get my farm back to where I love it. I want to shift my mindset to a more positive one. I want to learn business tips that help me grow. And I want to share it all with other people, because I think this might be my actual purpose. If you’re hitting rock bottom with your farm, I’m hoping my posts will be useful to you.
If you’re struggling with mental health issues, please reach out to somebody. Please don’t let yourself become a statistic in a CDC study. I know farmers are tough and we pride ourselves on being self sufficient, but it’s ok to need help. None of us can do it alone.